Finding the right senior living in Dayton, Ohio isn’t just about today. It’s about knowing you or..
Recently, you stopped by your Mom’s house just to see how she is doing. When you walked in, you couldn’t help but notice the overflowing trash can. You were surprised by the stack of unopened bills on the table. You opened the fridge and saw almost nothing but frozen meals. When you checked her medi-planner, you realized that she had forgotten to take some of her medication.
You think to yourself, “Okay, this is a little unusual for Mom. Maybe she just didn’t feel like cooking. She must’ve overslept and didn’t get the trash out in time this morning. She’s just having an off day.”
Does this sound familiar?
If so, you may have the nagging feeling that perhaps the time has come to seriously consider moving your parent into a senior living community. Then, you have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you remember how your parents made you promise to never put them in one of “those nursing homes.” However, the signs are there, telling you it’s time to do something, and they are becoming more difficult to ignore.
We understand this can be an emotional time for you, and you probably aren’t quite sure where to start or how to begin the dialogue with your loved one. If you move too fast, they could refuse to entertain the idea and withdraw from you and the conversation. If you move too slowly, their living situation could become increasingly difficult and unsafe. The good news is there are steps you can take right now to help ease the pressure and prepare for the conversation, so you can ultimately convince your parent to make the transition into a senior living community.
Before you bring up the subject, we encourage you to check out our list of do’s and don’ts on how to best navigate the conversation with your parent about moving to a senior living community.
Even though the signs are there that things aren’t quite right, you may be inclined to believe things aren’t that bad right now. This false sense of security could cause you to put off exploring options. What this essentially means is you are waiting until a crisis, like a serious fall or medical issue, forces you into action. Keep in mind that trying to explore senior living options while also managing an unexpected hospitalization or other crisis often feels hectic, rushed, and adds more stress to an already stressful situation. That’s why it’s crucial to start the planning process now, while things are relatively stable and you have the time available to really do your research.
When you or your parent thinks of independent or assisted living, you may picture a nursing home setting. “Seniors don’t want to go to the place they envision in their minds—somewhere with sterile white walls, bland meals, very little social interaction, and surrounded by medical equipment,” Heather Blevins, Director of Sales and Marketing at 10 Wilmington Place, explained. “Nowadays, even if your family member requires medical assistance, there are many home-like options out there that will offer them a greater quality of life than remaining in their own home. Today’s senior living communities are not at all like the institutional nursing homes of days past.”
Consider how much they’re currently able to do on their own, and where they could use some assistance. Perhaps, they remember to take their medication, but struggle to bathe and dress on their own. Being realistic about your parent’s level of independence can help you find senior living communities that offer the level of care that’s right for them. Be advised that when you call or visit senior living communities to learn more, the Sales Counselors will ask you for details about your loved one’s physical, emotional, and social needs so they can determine whether or not their community is an ideal match for your parent. So, it’s best to have a clear understanding of their unique situation. Communities that offer continuum of care are ideal for many seniors, especially those who don’t need much assistance now, but may require more care as they age.
Start by asking people you know for suggestions, obtaining recommendations from a trusted professional (like your parent’s physician or physical therapist), and utilizing online resources including websites, reviews, social media pages, and free referral agencies like A Place for Mom and Caring.com. During this initial research phase, be sure to learn about what kind of care is offered, as well as the location, what others are saying about the place, and what financial resources are available.
Heather recommends that you call and then, ideally, visit several senior living communities on your own first—without your parent. This will give you the opportunity to freely share your concerns about your parent without the risk of embarrassing or alienating them. You’ll also have an opportunity to ask the Sales Counselor detailed questions about the living spaces, food, social activities, transportation, housekeeping, staffing ratios, emergency assistance, and costs. Essentially, after visiting some communities, you’ll be prepared with the information you need to have a meaningful conversation with your parent. After all, it’s difficult to talk about senior living communities if you aren’t really sure what they are all about. Heather also recommends taking photos during your tours. You can share the photos during your initial conversation with your parent as a way of reassuring them that the places you’ve visited don’t look or feel like an institution. She also suggests narrowing down the options to no more than your top two or three favorites before presenting them to your parent. According to Heather, “Too many options can overwhelm the senior and delay decision-making. If your parent still hasn’t found the right fit after their first few tours, then you can add more options, one at a time, until you achieve success.”
It is completely natural to feel anxious and maybe even intimidated when it comes to broaching the subject of senior living with your parent. Heather shares, “Many adult children are genuinely excited about their recent senior living community visits and think they can convince their parent to move based on that excitement alone. As such, they make the mistake of mentioning the idea of ‘moving’ far too soon to their parent.” She also said it is seldom a good idea to discuss moving into a senior living community with your parent before they’ve had an opportunity to visit a community or two with you. Instead, your only goal during the initial conversation about your recent tours should be to pique your loved one’s interest just enough to get them to commit to touring. When you approach them, show them the photos you took, mention the great things you saw, share menus and activities calendars, and then suggest that they “visit” the communities with you to do some “planning for future needs.” This method of discussing touring (and not moving) takes the pressure off of the both of you. Also, because you’ve done your research and toured places ahead of time, you’ll be able to reassure your parent of what to expect when they visit communities, which will put their mind at ease.
The thought of convincing your parent to move may feel like a daunting task, but remember you are not alone. The Sales Counselor is there to support you, and to help your parent see the benefit of community living. “It’s not your job to convince them to move,” Heather said. “Just get them in the door for a tour, and trust that the Sales Counselor can do the rest. It’s what we senior living professionals do every day!
“I find that when a senior finishes their tour, they are so relieved to learn that today’s senior living communities aren’t the dreaded nursing home they were envisioning, that convincing them to make a move isn’t all that difficult after the visit,” she continued. “Things often get headed in the right direction after a great tour, even if the senior still needs a bit of time to consider their options. Conversely, the whole process can come to a screeching halt if a family member mentions ‘moving’ to their parent too soon.”
This transition will undoubtedly bring a mix of emotions for your family, especially your parent—everything from relief to joy to guilt. However, take heart in knowing that ultimately, there are numerous benefits to the transition:
“My goal is not to convince seniors that our apartments are better than their homes,” Heather explained. “The truth is that no apartment, even in the very nicest senior living community, will ever compete with their home. However, senior living communities like 10 Wilmington Place offer something that staying at home alone just can’t for many seniors: a significant upgrade to their quality of life.”
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